Post 23 – Shalabridees

Day 3 in the attic room in the guesthouse. I have discovered more evidence that something sinister is afoot at the innocent looking bed & breakfast I am currently lodging in. While taking a piss yesterday in one of the two communal bedrooms, I noticed a big streak, about 2 inches long by 1 inch wide, of what can only be blood splattered down the side of one of the panels. It is pretty well hidden from the casual glance, and would have been quite easy to miss if someone was be cleaning a murder scene in a hurry. It isn't beyond the realms of feasibility that my mild-mannered landlady, in between burning toast and cleaning rooms, could be hacking up patrons of the guest house and stuffing the body parts into the loft via the weird taped up doors in my room. Tonight the remote control for my tv disappeared for 20 minutes, and then reappeared in a place I had already checked twice, and halfway through Match of the Day on BBC 1 the TV turned itself on to BBC3 without warning - both classic signs of a haunting where someone may have died an unnatural death. Or maybe the boredom associated with spending 16 hours a day alone in a single room has allowed my imagination to over-compensate.

I got to thinking today about celebrities. It was mainly due to an observation today that for the first time since January 2nd, the Daily Star had something on it's front cover that wasn't Big Brother related (though there was a smaller story about Big Brother on there as well). It prompted a discussion at work about celebrities, which ones we hate, which ones we like, which ones we'd like to meet, and which ones we have met. I've met a few celebrities who are firmly planted on the C-list with little chance of their stock ever rising, and while I've yet to meet a Tom Cruise, Bono or David Beckham, I'm still pretty happy with my list. The following people are lucky enough to have met Dissolvo Ray – I just love doing my bit to make people happy:

Rich Hall (Comedian, Otis Lee Crenshaw)
Bill Bailey (Comedian, Never Mind The Buzzcocks)
Katie Melua (singer)
Steve Davis (snooker player)
Terrorvision (rock band)
Joe Mangel off of Neighbours (I'll tell more of that story another day)
Paul McClain off of Neighbours
The entire cast of Balamory (weird Scottish kids TV show)
Alex Salmond (MSP and First Minister wannabe)
Tommy Sheridan (MSP)
The bassist from Status Quo
Phil 'the Power' Taylor (darts player)
Raymond Von Barneveld (darts player)
Skin and Cass from Skunk Anansie (rock band)
Geoff Capes (former World's Strongest Man)
Jocky Wilson - (Former darts player)
Less Than Jake (punk ska band)
Mercury Rev (weird band I didn't even recognise)
Zander Diamond (Don's giraffe-like centre half)

And I've walked past but not spoken to:
Marilyn Manson
Dita Von Teese
Cane and Marlon off of Emmerdale
Darren Fletcher (Man Utd and Scotland player)

Rubbing shoulders with stars - that's the Dissolvo way.

Song currently stuck in my head - "Ooh La" by The Kooks
dissolvoray@hotmail.co.uk